The contrasting feelings of security and insecurity can be felt clearly for most. We could imagine calm, grounded moments of settled joy when we think of security. When the thought of insecurity arises, it's that pit in the stomach, ache in the middle of the back and rise of the shoulders; a feeling of constriction and grasping for control in whatever form that's most readily available. Some may grab a substance to soothe, some may go inward and annihilate themselves. Some may shove down, numb out and look the other way. For the fellow anxious folk out here, we circle, oscillate between stories, our values, our wounds, ego, and tight fist conclusions of others that are sharp as a blade.
I watch the mind and handful of parts within grasping for some ground to stand on. Unsure of the future, feeling the lonesome autonomy for each of us. Feeling the void between each perimeter of human, forgetting the undeniable cords of connection between us all. These moments reveal how the spiritual essence I hold is drying up. This feeling of warm parental safety is growing cold and rigid, familiar to the true parental figures I experienced.
For some, the feeling of security is a stranger. The chaos is the known neighbor that starts up the Harley every morning beneath your window. What happens when that rumble doesn't come? It can't interrupt your silence that you may wallow in. To take it one step further, what if this is upheld by another? Joining in the dance of dysfunction, knowing every step as if rehearsed with a handful of others - which is has been.
This is where we benefit form insecurity. We see vulnerability and are soothed by knowing were not alone. But where is the line? Seeing the fear and lack of confidence in another may indicate to us that we are not going to be abandoned. A place where we are needed, and to be of worth. We feel like only we can soothe this pain, a pain within this closed charged dynamic.
The devil card of the Tarot comes to mind; two lovers loosely shackled to the devil and each other, blissfully in delusion surrounded in hell.
How to break away from this? Catch it as early as possible, see the pattern and make different choices.
Couples counseling..?
Much Love,
Gabrielle